Have you ever gone sky-diving? I haven’t, but I get a similar churning rush, as though I’m hurtling face-first toward the earth from a great height, when I think about the amount of work I need to pack into the next two weeks. If semester one was about finding my feet and settling into studying at uni, semester two is going to be all about being consistent with my study and ahead of the game for assignments.
Before I can bridge that span between first and second semester, I’ve gotta make it through final assignments and exams. These next few weeks are when I’ll be most at risk of curling into a ball and listening to the part of my brain that thinks I can’t do it. Those parts are muffled, thankfully, with my handy-dandy anti-depression medication, great big wads of checking in with family and friends, and constantly reminding myself that this is the furthest I’ve come in my formal education so far. It’s not to be sniffed at, or minimized.
Taking part in this blog has been really fantastic, hopefully for you, dear reader, and most certainly for me. This is me being honest about my achievements and fears, and reflecting on what has made the last few months especially interesting and intense. It’s also been comforting to see that, occasionally, I’m not the only one screaming internally.
I’ve missed a lot of my lectures this semester for a few reasons, some good, others not as good. Life, family, sickness, and desperately needing more sleep than I can get have kept my feet on the ground. Before O-Week I promised myself that I would not turn the volume to 11 only to burn out by June. Mission accomplished. There are still things I do have control over that I’d like to, and need to improve on if I want to get the marks and qualifications that I believe I’m capable of.
This is where we can take a deep breath. I’m letting go of doubt and panic, and breaking stuff down into really small steps.
Reconciliation Week has just passed. I attended the Sorry Day Ceremony here at Latrobe, organised by the deadly folk who run the Ngarn-gi Bagora centre. It was a powerful opportunity to remember the past, learn, and reconnect with community. Later in the week I did my first Acknowledgement to Country at an event in Fitzroy. It felt like having my spiritual batteries recharged – something that also happens when laying in the grass on campus, watching the gum trees and crows.
All the best with your exams, and I hope you have some wonderful adventures in the break.