I’ve decided to change my degree. A big decision. None of it’s finalised and I may change my mind yet, but for the moment it’s where I stand.
My certainty about transferring faltered slightly after my lecturer emailed me with the news that the median income for my profession to-be had increased from USD$84,125 to USD$92,125. It’s the little things…
Second guesses, after I had begun to tell a few people I wanted to change I began to notice everything I enjoyed about my current studies. I had felt proud telling people the subject that I studied and when I realised I would no longer have that, I felt melancholic about no longer saying what I had once said proudly. Forming my identity around my subject had given me strength and now that I was disassociating from it, I was producing uncertainty.
I started to question myself, I had to consider that these are early days, I haven’t even finished a semester, I haven’t even completed the introductory units for my degree so how could I know for certain that it will be the right decision to change? I solved all of these question by accepting their validity. There wasn’t anyway that I could know for certain if my decision was right, I had to approach it from a different angle.
I took all of this on with the knowledge that I can talk myself into anything. For me, the grass can always be greener. This uncertainty about changing my degree gave me flashbacks to December, 2015, when I was changing my VTAC preferences every second day. I eventually got so done with changing my VTAC preferences that by the day the offers came out, I had completely forgotten who and what I had applied for. All these memories cast a helpless and immature tone on my yearning to transfer courses so again I felt uncertainty.
Despite the traumatic experience choosing my VTAC preferences was, I was lucky enough to land in a course that fitted me perfectly. To some extent it still does, but there is a reason I want to change. My reason isn’t particularly stunning, it’s primitive and toddlers have an aptitude at exhibiting it; I’m missing out.
Someone once told me that the only thing they felt was difficult about getting old was the reality that they wouldn’t have as many options as they once did. They began to miss out on things, not by choice, but because the opportunity was no longer there for them; travelling the world, learning a musical instrument, learning a new language, having your dream career etc. In life you have ambitions which are yours and opportunities which are given to you. I’ve seen, more often than not that one’s opportunities tend to expire before one’s ambitions do. To still have an aspiration with you but know that it’s opportunity is gone is heartbreaking and I think what is meant when people speak about the pains of growing old.
This is the reality I’m making my decision with. This I the reality that I aspire to make all of my decisions with and I hope everyone is aware that if they need to, they’ll always be able to make the hard decisions in their lives according to this.
I’m aware that I may be taking a course transfer too seriously. Thousands of students around Australia are gearing up to do the exact same thing this semester. I’m speaking of the sentiment involved in the decision.
Knowing that I should have taken a turn/made a decision earlier in the journey but haven’t is something that I wish to avoid.
So, what are my reasons for my transfer and why am I doing it? I believe, that along with the few moments in life that you’re forced to make a left or right turn, sacrificing one path to go down another, there are thousands of moments where you have to slightly adjust, tighten your focus, take stock of your situation and make very small, very important decisions. The more time between yourself and these decisions the greater their affects become. In ten years, I wonder what I’ll think and how I’ll feel about my first year at University. What the decisions I made ended up resulting in. I’ll always know that I made them from a sentiment that I stand by.
By Oscar Dobbs